It is what it is

When I first starting learning Kreyol I overheard one of the older boys call me “Blan Pam” (my white). He didn’t realize I understood him & was shocked when I responded by calling him “Nwa Pam” (my black). That brief conversation created lasting nicknames & was the start of a friendship. His name is Predel and he came to live at H2H when he was 11 years old. His parents live in Bouva, which is a small mountain community where we have a sister church. It was Predel’s dad that gave me the goat, Pablo.

His parents had twins a few months ago… born at home (in the below house) just like their other 6 children. Sparked by my friendship with Nwa Pam, I have become friends with his parents & I visit their home in Bouva every chance I get. Like many families in Bouva, Nwa Pam’s parents are heavily involved in Voodoo.

When my parents came last month they brought presents for the new twins so my last to Bouva was a special one. Here are some photos:

Their house:




Their yard... & Pablo:








Nwa Pam with his parents:




The twins:




Meeting their "aunt" for the first time:




Writing about Nwa Pam and his family was inspired by this poem I read last week while I was visiting GLA…

What is it?

It is nonsense says reason
It is what it is says love

It is misfortune says calculation
It is nothing but pain says fear
It is hopeless says insight
It is what it is says love

It is ridiculous says pride
It is careless says caution
It is impossible says experience
It is what it is says love

Enich Fried

I’m not sure I can express why this poem reminds me of this family but I’ll try…

Each time I visit this home in Bouva I am struck by their primitive way of life. They survive. I don’t mean for this to come across as looking down on them or being arrogant… I respect these people & I am growing to love them. But as the poem implies, my insecurities (pride, fear, experience) caused me to judge them. I am ashamed of this judgment but acknowledging this has allowed me to realize how my culture & upbringing has shaped my way of viewing people and I am beginning to break that thought pattern. They are who they are. Their beliefs, expectations & desires do not make them any better or worse then me. It is what it is. If my insecurities are causing me to judge them I can’t imagine what must be going through their mind!! Their ability to lower their guard & welcome me into their lives is humbling to me. As I eat with them or sit in their yard and just talk, it is surreal for me – what a different world than I am used to in Canada! Yet I sit there, completely comfortable, talking to my friends. It is what it is.

Made it Home!

We're running the generator at the moment because we haven't had city power for a few days so this is just a quick note to say Teresa & I made it to Grande Goave without any problems... lots of debri still on the roads but nothing that wasn't passable.

On my way home!!!

Just a quick update to let you know that Teresa & I connected this morning - we are both at GLA at the moment - and the H2H boys are on their way to pick us up! Things were fairly quiet in PauP yesterday (& continue to be quick today) and the road blocks out of Grande Goave (Leogane, Forsche, etc) were cleared early this morning. After we are picked up we are heading to the airport to pick up a friend of Pastor Luc.

Keep praying for us but also say a BIG THANKYOU for the calmness & for the chance to get us to Grande Goave.

Remembering the good old days

The first time I came to Haiti was almost 3 years ago exactly. It was roughly the same time of year as now and my first journal entry began like this... "I feel like I've just played an entire hockey tournament without showering & now I'm trying to sleep in a sauna!!!" Well last night I slept with sweat pants, a sweat shirt & 2 quilt blankets and I still had to do a little dance to keep warm! Getting adjusted to the climate is a good change, at least for me.

Besides being incredibly hot, at least my "good old days" in Haiti didn't include riots & road blocks that stretch across the country. I know the violent protests are making headline news across the world so you're likely more informed than I am! If not, google "haiti riots"... there are some pretty horrific pictures & videos.

My blog being updated 3 times this week & my emails caught up completely (woohooo!) is not the result of double strength coffee... I came to PauP last Friday in search of some RnR before another set of back-to-back teams come to H2H. The plan was for me to be picked up Tuesday morning (yesterday) before heading to the airport to pick up my good friend Teresa, who will be visiting for 2 weeks. I got a call from Tontom (my Haitian uncle), far to early in the morning, to say that he could not get from Grande Goave to PauP because of blockages & protests... I'd have to find another way to pick up Teresa & we'd have to wait out the riots in PauP. Hmmm. That was some pretty bad news. Especially since Tontom is a Big Cheese in the Police/Coast Guard & has always been my personal body guard... somehow his inability to "save me" popped some imaginary safety bubble I had. After several stressful moments, way too many phone cards & some enormous help from Joyce & Molly, Teresa was picked up yesterday & is currently camping out at a Guesthouse near the airport. At the moment most of the major roads are blocked by barricades & "business as usual" has pretty much come to a halt.

Although we are at different locations, both Teresa & I are safe. Hopefully the situation will improve over the next few days & we'll be able to get together & ultimately get back to Grande Goave.

Pure Randomness

Ok, this will be the most random blog so far & I'm going to jump right into it...

When I was in Boava (a small mountain community in northern Haiti) last month the parents of a boy who lives at H2H Children's Home gave me a goat. Yup, a goat. Sweet, eh? I sent a picture to my niece, Courtney, and she has named him Pablo. Hopefully I'll come up with a good excuse for Pablo to go to goat heaven because he definitely will be going to goat heaven as soon as he gets some more meat on his bones! Here's Pablo in his house... which was made by one of the kids that felt sorry for him sleeping in the rain :)



I read through my last few blogs and realized that I didn't really update you properly on Wilkenson... probably because I'm still in shock at how he's recovered. While he was in the hospital in Port-au-Prince, waiting patiently for surgery, I was going crazy with frustration back in Grande Goave. I shared my frustration with the team that was visiting (Darcy's team) and Terry, one of the team members, prayed for God to touch his arm & heal it completely without requiring surgery. At the same time the kids in the home gathered and prayed a similar prayer. Hours later we received the phone call from PauP saying surgery was not needed and Wilkenson would be heading home after a few days of physio. I'm sure this sort of healing is unthinkable to many of you but check out this picture...



This is Wilkenson washing his clothes BY HAND just days after coming back to Grande Goave. He has NO PAIN in his arm whatsoever! The only sign of his broken arm is a tight tendon that is preventing him from straightening his arm completely and even that is getting better everyday.

Ok, moving along through the randomness....

Check out this sweet online game that is based on helping a Haitian family survive their difficult life: http://www.unicef.org/voy/explore/rights/explore_3142.html

Check out this link to a new article published today: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/04/07/haiti.food.protests.ap/index.html

The increased cost of food & the violence that is resulting from the desperation is a reality. Pray the UN & Haitian government can deal with this before history needs to repeat itself in Haiti. Also pray for safety for us as we may be traveling through these demonstrations over the next few days.

And finally, what's the saying... "always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Last week I was the maid-of-honor in a Haitian wedding. It was so much fun! Here's a couple shots:

The fun update!!

This update is a few weeks late but John's team did some cool stuff while there were here & I wanted to share some pictures with you. My parents were here the same time as John's team but I'm going to keep their update for "tomorrow"... I'm saying tomorrow in the Haitian sense, which means someday in the near future :)

John's team was really busy while they were here so I'll just cover a few of the things they did...

THE CAR RACES!!!

They brought wooden cars for the kids to sand & paint and they made a race track for an official competition. This would excite any kid but you'll see from the pictures that this was an exceptional day for them.

Getting the cars ready:









Race day:



Another thing the team did, & was by far my favorite thing, was feeding hospital patients at the local hospital. It was the favorite for me because of the way the older girls in the Children's Home took ownership of it &, aside from giving the money to purchase the food, executed it by themselves!! The team wanted to make a connection with the hospital in anticipation for working with them on future projects/teams but due to their busy itinerary they didn't have much time to buy or cook the food. I asked the older girls if they'd like to take charge & they jumped all over it!! They bought the food in the market, cooked it, packed it in individual plates, loaded it in the truck & helped the team delivery it to the patients. It was a unique opportunity for the girls & they've already asked if it's something we can do on a regular basis.

The girls making the food:











Delivering the food to the hospital:

The hamster-wheel

I usually type my blog entries in Word & post them on the internet when we have power. When I open the Word document the first blog entry I see starts with this sentence;

“Well, I think I’ve finally made it through the “survival stage”.”

Every time I read that sentence I’m struck at the naivenness of it. I have been straddling the line of survival since I got here. There have been several times where I felt like I’ve broken through & moved onto another stage but weeks, days, hours or even minutes later, I am tossed back over the line with my head hanging low.

A group left Sunday morning & since then I’ve spent most of my time napping & catching up on some housecleaning. The down time has got me thinking… is my hamster-wheel really that different than yours? Or the old wheel I was on in Canada? We are all experience different challenges but really, isn’t the overwhelmingness of it, caused by the same thing… what is your motivation for doing what you’re doing?

I have been a “people pleaser” my whole life & I’m no different here. But what is different here is my success with making people happy. I’m realizing that there will always be people here who feel threatened by me or misinterpret my purpose for being here. I have been struggling with this the last few weeks but I’ll relapse into being naïve & say that I think I’m climbing out of it. If you would have asked me last month why I was here, I would have told you I was here because I love the kids & I want to help them develop into successful people. That’s not a lie but it’s not really the truth either. I would have told you that because I was sugar-coating the truth because I know many of you (friends, family, etc) would think I’ve gone over the edge if I told you the truth. The truth is that the only reason I am here is because God has led me here. He is my motivation for doing what I’m doing & He is the only one I need to worry about pleasing. He has asked me to come here knowing my faults, and despite my weaknesses He can use me. My ability to “survive” & every now and again cross the line into “thriving” is His doing & all the glory is His.

I’m sure many of you are reading this & thinking; “Hmm, I knew becoming a “missionary” would change her.” Maybe you’re right. But think about it… What is your motivation for doing what you’re doing? Why are you always stressed? Why can’t you sleep? Why do you feel that your best is never good enough? If you’ve created a need to succeed based on pleasing yourself or those around you, can you really live up to that? Will you ever succeed? Huge questions, I know. But wouldn’t you rather spend some time thinking about them now, instead of waiting until you’ve wasted most of your energy on the wheel?

I have lots of stuff to update but every time I start to write something that sentence (Well, I think I’ve finally made it through the “survival stage”.) stumps me. So now that I’ve gotten that off my chest I’ll update you with the fun stuff over the next few days.

Hello!

Sorry... got you all hooked on regular updates then left you hanging! Darcy's team left last Sunday evening & another team arrived (including my parents!!!) arrived Sunday morning.... needless to say, it's been busy here :)

Darcy's team never got to Jacmel... the container arrived minutes before we were planning to head out & the team worked around the clock to get it unloaded & the main structure of the playground in the ground before their plane took off. Part of their team will be coming back in a few weeks/months to finish setting it up.

Here are some picture of the container arriving & being unpacked.















Here's a couple of the playground going up... it's farther along than this but the new team is keeping me too busy to dig my camera out again. I'll post some pictures of it next week.





The new team, John's team, has had an incredibly busy week!!! They've fed the hospital patients in Grande Goave, built & raced wooden cars with the kids, taken the kids to the beach and something quite remarkable... organized 26 local pastors to work together to distribute food & aid to the most needy in Grande Goave. This is the first time they have been united & they are eager to do it again!!

My parents have been involved with most of the team's activities but they've also been distributing items collected by my mom's school, Parkland Elementary. Each kid has received a new outfit (a very stylish outfit!) & the depot has been restocked with sheets, toys & medical supplies. On top of the items that were donated, money was sent to purchase kitchen supplies,
shoes for the kids, bug screens, curtains, table cloths (for 15 large picnic tables in the kid's dining room) and new soccer nets. The stuff donated & purchased was outstanding - thank you Parkland!!!!!! I'll post pictures of that next week too.

My parents are headed to the airport tomorrow & John's team (with me) is headed to Bouva to spend a few nights.

Here's a couple pictures of my parents getting to know my friends...





And I can't end this blog without giving you another update about Wilkenson.... he's back home!!!! They kept him for a few days of "physio" & sent him on his way. He's doing great!!! He doesn't have a cast & can move his arm with relative ease. He still can't straighten it completely & has some pain making a tight fist but it really is a miracle that it has healed so quickly & he even played/swam today with the rest of the kids.

Nothing but Good news!

- The container was released today & it on it's way to Grand Goave!

- Had a great experience with Shelove at the hospital in Leogane & her infections is clearing up very quickly!

- Wilkenson was scheduled to have the operation today but the Doctor did another x-ray & was amazed to discover surgery wasn't needed!!!!! He said the bone is well on it's way to healing & is in the proper place!!!! Praise God - this is truly a miracle. He'll be staying at the hospital for another week for physio but is in good spirits knowing there will be no operation!

- 3 more sleeps before my parents come!

Darcy's team will start unpacking the container tomorrow night so we are headed to Jacmel tomorrow for a relaxing morning... the calm before the storm!

Another child, another hospital... same story??

I hope not!!! Wilkenson is still in the PauP Hospital & hasn't had surgery. They got the last of the needed blood on Saturday, everything closes on Sundays & surgery was supposed to happen today. The doctor saw him this morning & said everything is set for the surgery... just need to put the blood in a different fridge over night!!! Can you believe that??? So the blood is "chilling" overnight & the surgery will likely take place tomorrow.

In the meantime we have another child, Shelove, who has got a nasty skin infection in some very painful areas! I am headed to the hospital in Leogane tomorrow morning & I'm praying it will be a very different experience than Port-au-Prince.

Here's a picture of Shelove:



On a more positive note, Darcy's team is hopeful their container will arrive in the next few days. If all goes well it will be released from customs tomorrow & arrive in Grand Goave Wednesday evening. Here's a couple of pictures of what they've been up to...

Renel, Greg & Manno... after a long work day!



Gary, Clive, Terry & Daniel... digging the holes for the playground



Here's one of the holes up close...



Clive after digging his last hole for today...



Darcy teaching Louson how to fix a generator...



Coconut break!!!



Little Enock getting his share of the coconut...



The kids pretending to be scared of Clive's sparks...



Fritzon's not much of an actor :)



And it would be impossible for 5 guys to clean the grounds without building a big fire!



Darcy's team has only been here for 1 week & barely touched the work they were expecting to do (b/c the container has been delayed) but they've already been a huge blessing!!! I know some of their family are following this blog this week so THANK YOU for sharing your boys with us... and be prepared for them to come home very tired!!

A quick update

It’s late & I’m exhausted so please bear with the spelling mistakes & bluntness ☺ Here’s an update on Darcy’s team & my little buddy….

Wilkenson still hasn’t gotten his operation. We sent 4 older boys into Port-au-Prince to give blood but one of them was too young (Wilkenson’s older brother who really wanted to help). The person taking the blood said they got enough blood from the other 3 so we didn’t have to worry about finding another person. We expected the operation to happen yesterday afternoon but got a call in the afternoon saying it wasn’t going to happen until this morning. I’m so far beyond frustration, now I’m just sad. They called at 10am this morning & said the Doctor (another new one) said he refused to do the surgery until another person came to give blood & because today is Friday they don’t accept blood after noon so the person will have to come in the morning. Sigh. So I can’t give you an accurate update on Wilkenson because I really have no idea!! Another group of people are going to the hospital tomorrow morning – we’re sending lots in case they have a problem giving blood. Hopefully they’ll be able to do the surgery in the afternoon. Wilkenson has been sleeping at the hospital for the last 2 nights & I’ve talked to him a couple times each day. He’s doing well but anxious to come home. Please keep praying for him & for a fire to be lite under the Doctors. His arm was broken last Sunday so a full week has almost passed.

As for Darcy’s team, they are still working incredibly hard & getting redder every day!! The ground is almost ready of the playground & they’ve dug a new drainage system for the school water fountain – yeah, no more mud puddles to jump!! The port in Cap Haitien is giving them troubles getting the container out of customs so one of the team members (Lyle) flew there yesterday as the shipping documents are in his name. They’re still hoping to get the container out in the next few days but they’re starting to consider a plan B… maybe my wish list of maintenance jobs will get finished after all!!!

The good & the bad

You always start with the bad, right?

Wilkenson still hasn't had his operation!!!!!! We dropped Wilkenson off at the hospital (2 people stayed with him) on our way to the airport to pick up a missionary team. I was so frustrated with the hospital that I didn't want to leave him without knowing he was actually going to see a doctor. I'm not proud of it but for the first time since living in Haiti (intentionally anyways) I took advantage of being "blan". I left the gang outside, cut to the front of the line & went into the hospital to find a doctor. I went into the doctor's change room (yes I was that frustrated!) and found a doctor that had just arrived & was putting on his scrubs. I explained the situation & asked him to make sure Wilkenson could get into see the doctor so they could determine if surgery was necessary or if they could put on a proper cast. He immediately said yes (praise the Lord!!) and walked us through administration & picked up the x-ray pictures they'd already taken. When we left for the airport I was feeling confident that we could pick up Wilkenson on our way back. Well the doctor I found kept his promise & made sure Wilkenson got to see the Doctor but that was the only thing that went smoothly. They had to take x-rays again & they were just as rough as the first time. They said immediately that surgery was needed but another doctor wanted to try setting it first. So they gave him a shot of something (no idea what) & started pulling before the shot had time to sink in. Part of me wishes I was there to support Wilkenson but the bigger part of me was glad I didn't have to sit helpless while watching him suffer again. The people who stayed with Wilkenson phoned to tell me that surgery was necessary but they didn't have bed for him overnight so he had to return in the morning. He came home a few hours later too drugged up to talk or walk & slept right through the night.

Despite is good night sleep for both us (gotta love drugs!!) walking him up this morning to head back to the hospital was not easy. He was determined not to go! I finally convinced him to get ready by promising him that is wasn't going to be the same... no more x-rays & he'll sleep through the entire thing. He said ok, but then quickly added; "only if you come". With a team here it's not feasible for me to go for 2 or 3 days so I had to say no... the crying broke my heart. It wasn't until he saw one of the guys pass my room that he stopped crying. I forced him to shower, dress & sit in the truck.

This afternoon I called the people who went with him to see how the surgery was & it didn't happen!! The doctor (a different one of course) now says they need to have 4 people to come to PauP to give blood before they'll do the operation!!! Four of the older boys are leaving early to meet them at the hospital so please pray that it will go smoothly & they'll be able to do the operation tomorrow. I know everything happens in God's time but it hard to see him suffer in the meantime.

Ok, now for the good....

Darcy & his team arrived here yesterday - safe & sound! They are a group of 5 from Alberta who will be putting a new playground in the H2H school as well as some smaller projects. They wasted no time getting started!! The ground where the playground will go has already been cleaned, trees moved (replanted of course!) and the major parts of the playground have been marked out. The playground equipment arrived in a container Monday & we are currently in the process of getting it released. Here are some pictures of the guys working.







Darcy's team will be here for 2 weeks so pray for their health & for energy to get all the work done. Today was hot & most of them are already burnt!

A reminder of why I’m here

I’m not sure how well I can put into words all of what has happened in the last few days but I know 2 things for sure; ask & it shall be given and I will never be the same.

A few blog entries ago I talked about some of the struggles I’ve been having as this “adventure” turns into something much larger. Thank you for the feedback – it was all great & helped me a lot! I’ve been praying these last few weeks for clarity on how I can serve here effectively & yesterday I received a huge reminder of why I’m here. Unfortunately for Wilkenson, it was his pain that gave me this reminder.

Yesterday morning Wilkenson was standing on his top bunk, reaching for some clothes, and he fell. He landed on the bottom bunk of the bed next to his & broke his arm just above the elbow. It’s a bad break. Ever seen the Harry Potter movie where he breaks his arm & his teacher uses the wrong spell to heal it? Instead of fixing the broken bone he removed all the bones in his arm. Well it wasn’t exactly like that (obviously) but it hangs the same way. Within minutes of the fall we were in the truck with Enock (our chauffeur & all-round “superman”) & headed to find a hospital… finding an open hospital in Haiti is not all that easy, especially on a Sunday. We went to 7 hospitals before finding one in Port-au-Prince that would let us in. It was Doctors without Borders – they were great but unfortunately, after seeing the x-ray, they sent us to the General Hospital in PauP. This is the hard part to explain & I don’t want to be too harsh because this was my first time there so maybe it was just a bad day... I’m sure there are many lives saved there & many doctors that have a passion to helping people. But, for us, it was a horrific experience. They were so rough with Wilkenson when they examined him & took more x-rays… flopping his arm on the table & yelling at him to stop crying, And walking through the patient area (one huge room) was overwhelming… the smells, the screaming, the blood, the chaos… it felt like I was in a war movie. Being the token white person had some advantages (cut a few lines ☺) but being surrounded by people grabbing & begging for money and seeing the legitimacy of their need was not easy. Here’s where the “Ask & it shall be given” part comes in… I was so overwhelmed by the need & felt like a hypocrite walking by those that were asking. I prayed for calmness & for clarity... within minutes a lady walked towards me & said her little girl was very ill. She didn’t have to say anymore, I know God had sent her my way & I emptied my pockets. It wasn’t much but I have a feeling it was exactly what she needed.

It was an experience I will never forget. It’s amazing that there are so many complaints about the healthcare in Canada & the US when there are places like Haiti that barely have healthcare.

We left the hospital with a temporary cast & an appointment to return the next day so they can determine whether surgery is necessary. After the way they moved his arm the bumpy ride back to Grande Goave was a long one for Wilkenson, and it was an even longer night for him. He slept in my bed with me & between his “scratch here, move this, I need to pee again” and the tarantula that visited us (first time ever for me to see one inside!!!!!) it was a long night for me too ☺

Today we returned to Port-au-Prince only to be told we missed our appointment so we’ll have to come back tomorrow! So, as I write this, Wilkenson is sleeping beside me… much more peacefully tonight… and we will head back to PauP in the morning.

So, how did this accident remind me why I’m here?

All of the children here are special to me but Wilkenson was one of the first I connected with & if you’ve been following my blog since the beginning you may remember that Wilkenson was a big part of my decision to come to Haiti last year to learn Kreyol. He’s been given the nickname; “premye pitit mwen” which means my first child. Wilkenson’s mom died giving birth to his younger sister (who is also at our Children’s Home) and his dad is heavy into voodoo & hasn’t seen him since his mom died. I know this because I have visited his dad’s house in Bouva several times. Wilkenson has not let me leave his side since yesterday morning & if helping him over the next few weeks is the only thing I “accomplish” in Haiti it will all be worth it.

Here are some pictures of Wilkenson.

This was taken on my second trip to Haiti:



This was taken yesterday afternoon, after returning from Port-au-Prince:




We have a team arriving tomorrow & then several teams back-to-back. In addition to praying for Wilkenson, please pray for safety for the teams & for my stamina… I haven’t yet mastered the art of balancing my day-to-day activities while hosting teams so they tend wear me out. Hopefully these next 5 weeks will give me the practice I need to master that skill ☺

Thanks again for the prayers & the encouragement.